It’s hot. 90+ days are so lazy making, aren’t they? Sitting and typing doesn’t really work up a sweat though, so…
Most of the summer has been dominated by moving – finding a house, fixing up the new house, cleaning the old house, moving, settling into the new house. The last place we moved into had a huge fantastic basement so there was no need at all to clear out accumulated junk and start fresh. The house before that had a garage, and the apartment before that had extra storage space. So I’ve been adding storage space for the last 7 years and believe you me, I’ve been using it. But this is all just a long-winded way of saying that we’re still unpacking.
C works at home now, and we’re into a new routine which is much more sane. I have a couple hours in the morning to “do me” (we’ve been watching Jersey Shore) and then another break in the afternoon. So stay-at-home-mom freakouts have been eliminated (um, mostly). The challenge has been to use my brain time for fulfilling/energizing things, rather than chores or mucking about on the internet.
I’ve also been trying to meditate. This is something I’ve wanted to do for more years than I can count, with innumerable false starts and lots of substituting books about it for the real thing. I have been doing it at least a few times a week (hopefully I get to every day soon!) partially inspired by Turning the Mind into an Ally to finally get real about it. This is the clearest book about meditation I’ve ever read and the most specific about what it’s all about, how to do it, and what the steps are. One of the sticky parts about buddhism and detachment in general is that you’re supposed to get rid of desire, but that goal is a desire in itself, so you end up with a lot of fuzzy talk about what exactly the goal is. And I’ve often wondered what in the world could be the relationship between these vague descriptions of how meditation works that are marketed to laypeople and the actual work done in monasteries, zen centers etc. Because I know they aren’t lax about it! Anyway, this book lays it out. and it describes the workings of the mind (from the point of view of the thinker!) in a way that rings very true for me.
I’ve had a couple of times where it felt really good and I didn’t want the time to be up – not in a way I can explain but maybe I will be able to one day. Most days it’s a huge battle to quiet down my mind and I get to the end of my (currently) 10 minutes without feeling like I got anywhere. It’s pretty interesting to notice my breath count now and then – like today I realized that I had gotten so distracted that I got to 58 (supposed to repeat at 21). Another time realized I hadn’t gotten to 5 before I got distracted and went totally off into a reverie about some nonsense. Typically the things that rush in are mundane to-do items that all of the sudden take on great urgency, and also irritation at sounds that grab my attention. It’s also noteworthy how often I berate myself about getting off-track, but I think I’m getting better about that.
wish me luck!
